What if everything goes right?

Daliah had to have four teeth extracted under anesthesia. I wrote this as I was in the waiting room while Ryan stayed back until her IV was in.

What is it about human nature to be so anxious for things we have no control over? Daliah will be Daliah at a time like this whether I worry about it or not. I do believe deeply that I was taught that worrying could have a cause and affect on the outcome of things. There is nothing I can do about it. I can make up what might be happening – but that doesn’t do me any good. BUT, it is so hard not to do it.

I have owned my anxiety as part of my identity for so long. It has been something that I’ve been taught is just part of my DNA. It cannot be changed. I’m working so hard to change that narrative. How can I be passionate, take action, feel the pull to DO something without the anxiety? How do I plan, prepare, feel that I’m ready for something and not get anxious about it?

How can I just be – sit in the discomfort and hold it lightly without judgement? Without placing right or wrong on it? It just is – this is part of life – why do we spend so much time trying to avoid the discomfort when it is going to happen either way?

I always start with/assume the worst. Why is that? What if… means bad… not good. It truly can go either way and it is completely up to me to think about it one way or another.

What if… everything goes wrong? OR What if… everything goes right?